Category: vintage lingerie


Hiya Swimwear and Lingerie friends.

Happy Wordless Wednesday to each and every one of you!

Lux Laundry Soap and Barbara Hale's Knickers

Lux Laundry Soap and Barbara Hale's Knickers

Cheers,

Maggie

Hello Swimwear and Lingerie fans.

Happy Wordless Wednesday!

Vintage Lingerie, Crinolines, Shapewear and Couture Gowns

Vintage Lingerie, Crinolines, Shapewear and Couture Gowns

Cheers,

Maggie

Hello Swimwear and Lingerie Buddies.

Happy Wordless Wednesday!

Kestos Art Deco Lingerie Ad

Kestos Art Deco Lingerie Ad

Cheers,

Maggie

Hiya Swimwear and Lingerie friends.

Well, it’s awesome over here, I caught a cold at the end of the long weekend and spent my holiday Monday cleaning the house, napping and looking like a glazed donut.

I feel like a big bag of poo.

I feel like a big bag of poo.

Good times!

I’m still stuffier than a hipster pottery barn pillow, so let’s have some fun looking at a vintage lingerie ad from our good buddies over at Maidenform.

MAidenform

It’s an activity that’s sure to brighten my mood.

Am I the only one that thinks that Maidenform’s idea of being a queen is rather similar to a creepy carnival? Hmmm, maybe more vaudevillian- the girl on the velvet swing-type of a thing.

The dog looks mortified to be stuck next to her and her giant meringue of a dress.

Ahh well, there’s no accounting for taste now is there… maybe she meant Queen of the Prom…

Cheers,

Maggie

Happy Tuesday Swimwear and Lingerie fans!

Happy Memorial Day yesterday to all of my lovely American readers. I hope you had a wonderful long weekend and were able to enjoy it.

On a personal note, yesterday blew big time for me, as I was quite ill and had to leave work early.

Sick Days suck!

Sick Days suck!

FYI that’s why there was no posting on Monday and I do apologize, but I wasn’t in any shape to type or speak to people. I was shaking and hunched over the procelain throne.

It’s Totally Retro Tuesday and I have a lovely little vintage bra ad for your reading pleasure.

There’s some interesting illustrative work going on here isn’t there?

For instance, why is the “large” bust picture featuring a woman with a bust that looks to be waaaay smaller than the “Small” bust pictued woman?

Perspective is a funny thing

Perspective is a funny thing

Are they implying that bigger busted girls want to be small and dainty and smaller cup/banded girls want to be bigger?

Seriously? This old song and dance again?

Seriously? This old song and dance again?

If that stereotypical kind of “women want what they can’t have” kind of ideology is truly what they’re selling, then why are the bras for small busts designed “With No Pads!”

Seriously! Mixed messages much?

Seriously! Mixed messages much?

It’s kinda weird that the middle ground lady seems to have the largest boobs of them all isn’t it?

Things that make you go.... never mind, I don't want that song stuck in my head again... damnit!

Things that make you go…. never mind, I don’t want that song stuck in my head again… damnit!

Obviously I’m totally into the whole longline bra style for larger sizes {that’s a prety easy sell for me} but did you happen to notice the “X” on the center gore?

GASP! Did Playtex totally skeeve their cross your heart lift and separate stylings from these “Sensational New, Scientifically Designed (patente pending) Bras For Large Medium and Small Busts”?

Scientifically designed? Wow! I wonder if they created a time machine and blitzed ahead to the future to see Playtex’s “Cross Your Heart Bra” and ripped that seriously-ahead-of-its-time design off from them. In which case my apologies to Playtex for assuming it was the other way around.

Those sneaky time jumping science mastering ba$)@^ds!

Those sneaky time jumping science mastering ba$)@^ds!

I think the tag line is my favourite part of this retro lingerie ad; “Correct and flatter your individual bust problems INSTANTLY!”

Wait… what?

Why would I want to flatter my bust problems?

Cheers,

Maggie

Hello Swimwear and Lingerie buddies.

Yesterday I was chit-chatting about what a total maroon I am and how I threw all my knowledge and hard won research and experience-based training out the window in my quest to wear a long line bra.

Me + Maroon= Accepted, owned and awesome!

Me + Maroon= Accepted, owned and awesome!

{ack, the lure of low price lingerie… I thought I was immune, but was easily tricked by the “same size= NOT same size UK edition, even though Freya/Panache/Fantasie etc are all UK brands and I fit their G cups beautifully…}

It didn’t work out so well for me.

Still scratching my head and trying to figure out how that all happened... I KNOW BETTER, DARN IT!

Still scratching my head and trying to figure out how that all happened… I KNOW BETTER, DARN IT!

{Anyone wanna buy a rather sweaty long line bra in a 38I US size which equals a UK 38G? Only worn once! No? Only slightly pulled out of shape by frantic anti-poking manouevers!}

But today is another day and I thought it would be fun to look at a vintage lingerie ad from Gossard from back in the day!

What do you think?

She’s young… she’s lovely…

{… it sounds like the build up to a horror movie doesn’t it?}

So very, very scared of the build up they're giving the girl in the Gossard lingerie... what's she gonna do now?

So very, very scared of the build up they’re giving the girl in the Gossard lingerie… what’s she gonna do now?

She’ll rip your face off in her blood and gore-filled quest for TOTAL PLANET DOMINATION!!!! Mwaaa haa haaa {cue evil Vincent Price laugh}

He was so awesome!!!! Could always find a way to make everyting super-creepy ;) Even lingerie!

He was so awesome!!!! Could always find a way to make everyting super-creepy 😉 Even lingerie!

I just can’t get over how blatant the copy is at telling their beautiful, young and healthy target market that their youthful perfection, ISN’T PERFECT ENOUGH!

Cue the creepy-ass Stepford Wives! June Cleaver would have shived them all, she was a rebel in a crinoline, working from the inside!

Cue the creepy-ass Stepford Wives! June Cleaver would have shived them all, she was a rebel in a crinoline, working from the inside!

But wait… she’s also “wise”!

Wise to the way in which her culture demands that she conform to completely unattainable and over the top standards of beauty, behaviour and thought. And at such a young age… awww, how lovely!

Clearly, she must learn at an early age to play the game or else she won't survive... survive adolescence to move on to the snakepit of adult human interactions!

Clearly, she must learn at an early age to play the game or else she won’t survive… survive adolescence to move on to the snakepit of adult human interactions!

I think my favourite part of the ad is where they state that; ”
She knows that her youthful and near perfect figure needs Gossard’s uplift and pantie girdle to achieve that super smooth look…

That’s right folks. No matter what we may think and the illustration would appear to show a young lady with a very enviable figure… it is only NEAR perfect. Luckily, the pantie girdle and uplift bring it that extra 10 %. phew.

Isn't she lucky? She has a choice! Conform or conform... but then again, she could just conform and get it over with!

Isn’t she lucky? She has a choice! Conform or conform… but then again, she could just conform and get it over with!

Actually, I take it back… that isn’t my favourite part. It’s really where they say; ” that good figure grooming now will help retain her youthful beauty in years to come.”

That’s right! The youthful beauty that isn’t good enough right now, will be groomed to last for years to come!!!

She gets the gift of eternal inadequacy… what more could women lingerie consumers ask for?

Cheers,

Maggie

It's what all the cool kids are doing. Definitely easier than trying to maintain any individuality or self esteem.

It’s what all the cool kids are doing. Definitely easier than trying to maintain any individuality or self esteem.

Happy Tuesday Swimwear and Lingerie fans.

We all know I’m a total sucker for retro illustrations of vintage lingerie and this ad is no different. I can’t even begin to taunt the “youthlines” tag either.

Happy Tuesday Swimwear and Lingerie friends!

It’s monochromatic and just lovely. Maybe if it were drawn worse I would be able to manifest an argument about selling products based on an obviously idealized illustration, but I can’t.

I would totally have been swayed by this. Would you?

Cheers,

Maggie

Lonely Hearts Lingerie

Lonely Hearts Lingerie

Hi Swimwear and Lingerie fans.

Have you ever had a day when you just shouldn’t have got up?

Wish someone could have warned me...

Wish someone could have warned me...

That was me today. I’ve had a self-esteem busting day of the first order and quite frankly, I really don’t want to talk about it or bring you down.

Unfortunately, it’s all I can think about, so I’m performing an intervention.

Now with less interesting story-lines and more moping.

Now with less interesting story-lines and more moping.

It’s Totally Retro Tuesday and I have a really nice vintage lingerie ad for your pleasure and delight. I’m just not going to talk about it because it would be morose and pathetic and the ad doesn’t deserve that.

I know what you’re thinking, “She must be really downtrodden if even lingerie isn’t perking up her spirits.

That's me, may as well order the Tshirt too.

That's me, may as well order the Tshirt too.

Normally, it would do the trick, but when I came home from my absolutely, no-good, rotten day, I found a postal slip telling me that one of my lingerie deliveries had been brought back to the post office because I wasn’t here to claim it.

One more time for good measure.

One more time for good measure.

The Post Office closed 15 minutes before I got home and will do so again all week. Yay for Saturday!

sigh…

Yup, even my lingerie is kicking me in the face today.fml.

not-so-cheery,

Maggie

Let's hear it for National Lingerie Day!

Let's hear it for National Lingerie Day!

Happy Tuesday Swimwear and Lingerie friends!

Not only is today Totally Retro Tuesday, it also happens to be National Lingerie Day!

Yippee! I've been waiting for this day for sooo long!!!

Yippee! I've been waiting for this day for sooo long!!!

Wheeee! The day when all the good little lingeristas and lingerists gather together under the Stocking dryer rack…
Isn't it so pretty and festive? Look at all the lovely draping hosiery, so cheerful... I can almost smell the gentle laundry detergent scent!

Isn't it so pretty and festive? Look at all the lovely draping hosiery, so cheerful... I can almost smell the gentle laundry detergent scent!

…and gaze with wondrement and joy at all of the wonderful National Lingerie Day Goodies…
Awww, look at their unbridled joy! So cute, wonder if dad got the crotchless panties he was gunning for?

Awww, look at their unbridled joy! So cute, wonder if dad got the crotchless panties he was gunning for?

…that the Uber Scary Lingerie Fairy has tirelessly delivered for them….
*shudder* Not sure she should be delivering anything to sweet little children, but a tradition is a tradition. Heck, we let pervy old guys sneak into sleeping children's rooms one night a year!

*shudder* Not sure she should be delivering anything to sweet little children, but a tradition is a tradition. Heck, we let pervy old guys sneak into sleeping children's rooms one night a year!

Now that’s a holiday I could get behind.
Yah it does!

Yah it does!

Oh, and it’s also National Physics Day!
See? Even the Physics guys perfer National Lingerie Day!!!

See? Even the Physics guys perfer National Lingerie Day!!!

Which I think is a pretty appropriate choice for a Co-holiday!
National Physics Day! Just as exciting as National Lingerie Day... Bazinga!

National Physics Day! Just as exciting as National Lingerie Day... Bazinga!

…Shall we move on to our lovely Totally Retro Tuesday Vintage Lingerie Ad?
Hold on... let's do our Vintage Lingerie ad first, then get $^!( faced :)

Hold on... let's do our Vintage Lingerie ad first, then get $^!( faced 🙂

Okay, so you may notice it’s in French, don’t worry about it… we’re going for visual appeal here! Pretty awesome right? I love the colours, the stylized drawing, the… well I just kinda like everything about it! It’s pure glamour and decadence. Now… about those waffles… Cheers, Maggie
Truth!

Truth!

Bet you're wondering how this relates to a vintage panty ad right?

Bet you're wondering how this relates to a vintage panty ad right?

Hiya Swimwear and Lingerie buddies.

It’s Totally Retro Tuesday and I couldn’t be more excited.

Why you may ask?

Because it’s quite possibly the best vintage lingerie ad EVAH!

{and that’s saying something when we’ve been faced with random fruit and half ladies, Little Shop of Horrors headdresses and Bardot in a Bra}

Take a look and tell me the most giggle worthy part for you.

Pretty awesome right? Those Mad Men of the lingerie marketing world, just never disappoint.

Sigh.... Don Draper, that unrepentant, womanizing jerk...

Sigh.... Don Draper, that unrepentant, womanizing jerk...

{Well, except for their blatant misogony, racism, classism… you get the idea}

My favourite part of the whole picture is the fact that we are faced with two women; one yanking on her super hungry-bum, wedgie-fied butt, and the other standing around in the street completely starkers, except for her shapewear.

Obviously he would do the most masculinely appropriate thing for his era... Give the nekkid Lady his jacket to protect her modesty and make his later seduction attempt appropriate, while saying something sneeringly harsh about the Lady with the vpl.

Obviously he would do the most masculinely appropriate thing for his era... Give the nekkid Lady his jacket to protect her modesty and make his later seduction attempt appropriate, while saying something sneeringly harsh about the Lady with the vpl.

Moving along….

The caption reads, “Obviously the Lady doesn’t know”, followed by the fabulously truthful, “Perma-lift’s Magic Oval Pantie, doesn’t ride up EVER”.

I wish they wouldn't say EVER! It just gets my false-promises panties all up in a hitch!

I wish they wouldn't say EVER! It just gets my false-promises panties all up in a hitch!

Are they talking about the Lady picking her butt or the almost-modest Lady Godiva?

{You can pick your friends and you can pick your wedgie, but you can’t pick your friend’s wedgie… or something like that}

Public Service Announcement * Please note, a well fit support bra should always be worn during super bouncy activities*

Public Service Announcement * Please note, a well fit support bra should always be worn during super bouncy activities*

Perhaps they’re talking about the fact that the mostly-unclothed Lady hasn’t matched her shoes and long evening gloves to her super-white shapewear?

Sheeeesh, even this kid knows you gotta match your undies to your evening gloves!

Sheeeesh, even this kid knows you gotta match your undies to your evening gloves!

Well, I’ve already covered unreasonable marketing claims before so naturally I’m NOT a fan of the brand’s name; “Perma-Lift”.

Okay, fine... nothing is impossible...if you have photoshop, but outside of that, there's no way these panties can lift anything permanently!

Okay, fine... nothing is impossible...if you have photoshop, but outside of that, there's no way these panties can lift anything permanently!

I don’t think they actually effect body structure for permanent results…kinda shady advertising strategy don’tcha think?

If Cheez Whiz can’t do it, then no one can!

True dat

True dat

Oooh, maybe the ad is a real intellectual, academia kind of promotion and what we’re seeing is some “magic realism” in that she is both the woman adjusting her girly bits in public AND the woman dressed up as a high class escort, admiring her new, never budge undies…

{Ha! And they said that English degree would never pay off!!! they were right…sigh}

Ya, gotta admit... it's pretty darn cool stuff!

Ya, gotta admit... it's pretty darn cool stuff!

Or maybe it was just another excuse to show a Lady in her umentionables and shame women into thinking that wearing body armour everyday was necessary because their shapes are just so cringeworthy no matter what they do!

...sigh

...sigh

Cheers,

Maggie

Just one for the road...

Just one for the road...