Happy Monday my darling Swimwear and Lingerie friends!

I get to reveal another wonderful bra from my recent lingerie delivery!!!

I was making a huge order from Figleaves UK and was almost ready to hit submit, when I happened to notice a lonely long line bra calling out to me.

Gossard Sassy Plunge Bra

Gossard Sassy Plunge Bra

It was in a rather bright pinky-purpley shade that I generally don’t gravitate towards. It’s from Gossard and I don’t really have a lot of experience with that brand, so I thought, “Hey why not give it a shot?”

What can I say… I really love long lines and I was super excited about the Freya Nieve I had just ordered, so my optimism may have made me a little impulsive! There was just one left in my size, it had to be fate.

Gossard Sassy Longline Bra, Plunge style

Gossard Sassy Longline Bra, Plunge style

As you can see from the pictures, it is a bright purple- pink with black fishnet lace over top, some interesting black lace detailing and a bling-ish little charm thing at the center gore. All in all, it reminded me a bit of the showiness of an old west burlesque piece. Which helped to offset my lack of enthusiasm for the color.

Gossard Sassy Long line Plunge Bra

Gossard Sassy Longline Plunge Bra

The band fit nicely at first, although, it was looser than other 38’s that I’ve tried. I could probably have gone down to a 36 and been a bit more comfortable. The wider parts of the sides and back were nice enough and certainly kept me feeling nicely supported and tucked in.

Rear view of Gossard's Sassy Plunge Bra

Rear view of Gossard’s Sassy Plunge Bra

The cups on the other hand were definitely not what I was expecting. They’re padded with thin foam and meant to be a fairly deep plunge style, however the cup size was so large, my partner was actually shocked.

{Which doesn’t happen often when you’re married to a 38GG}

He actually laughed and said, “Wow, those cups are huge! No way is that fitting you!”

I, of course, was all, “Well, I ordered my regular size and the tag says that’s what they are…”

This is my unsure face. But still, optimism is egging me on... darn you optimism!

This is my unsure face. But still, optimism is egging me on… darn you optimism!

{albeit in a really doubtful lame voice, because even I was a bit unnerved by their sheer scope. They fit really well on my noggin. One cup actually went around the circumference of my head… not a good sign}

The tag said it was a 38 G and darn it, I’d already bought and paid for it, so I decided I might as well see what it was like. Maybe it was just sized generously due to the whole plunge thing.

Even Dr. Evil knows I'm an idiot.

Even Dr. Evil knows I’m an idiot.

I wore it to work and then a lacrosse game {spectating, NOT playing} in order to put it through the paces and see how Gossard bras worked for me.

I was definitely unimpressed.

And neither does Maggie... or her boobs.

And neither does Maggie… or her boobs.

The cups were infinitely too big and it was ridiculous to have thought that cups that big were going to somehow magically support my GG breasts and fit my body.

My boobs were soooo not happy. Not as unhappy as this cat though... this thing is pure evil... I'm pretty sure this is what causes the upcoming apocalypse.

My boobs were soooo not happy. Not as unhappy as this cat though… this thing is pure evil… I’m pretty sure this is what causes the upcoming apocalypse.

The cups circled up under my arms and stabbed me in the armpits, necessitating a lot of wiggling and quick fixes every five minutes. Always a charming behaviour in super stodgey corporate Canada!

The center gore refused to stay seated against my chest and kept riding up and out to no man’s land.

It may as well have been here, certainly wasn't doing any good where it was resting.

It may as well have been here, certainly wasn’t doing any good where it was resting.

The band size wasn’t quite tight enough so it kept creeping up and the extra length of the bra that created the “should-have-been-sexy” long line effect, curled up in a dead spider way. I think the boning needed to be a bit more rigid to keep it in place and prevent it from trying to run back to its friends.

Hmmm, sorry, that should probably have come with a warning.

Hmmm, sorry, that should probably have come with a warning.

I was also sweating up a storm in it. I don’t know if it was because there wasn’t enough airflow through the fabric or if it was because I was getting an aerobic workout just trying to keep it from climbing up my chest and bursting through my neckline like a really garishly coloured Alien.

This should probably have come with a warning too. Sorry about that. Hey! Remind me to tell you a funny story about pregnancy, Aliens and labour sometime!

This should probably have come with a warning too. Sorry about that. Hey! Remind me to tell you a funny story about pregnancy, Aliens and labour sometime!

So, can you guess why it all turned out like that?

Even Cpt. Picard thinks I'm a dolt.

Even Cpt. Picard thinks I’m a dolt.

I’ll give you a hint. I did something dumb. Really, really dumb.

...when I look in the mirror!

…when I look in the mirror!

I assumed that a 38G would be the same in all brands, I didn’t bother to check the sizing chart of Gossard specifically. the chart below isn’t from Gossard, but it will give you a hint as to what I was experiencing.

Bra Cup Conversion Chart

Bra Cup Conversion Chart

I was wearing a cup size that was easily 2 cups too large. Which, when we’re talking about D+ sizing… means a whole heck of a lot bigger. I was basically trotting around in an I cup.

I’m an idiot.

Raiseyourhandifyou'reatotalschmuckthatgotallspendhappyandforgottodoyourduediligenceandcheckthepropersizes!!!

Raiseyourhandifyou’reatotalschmuckthatgotallspendhappyandforgottodoyourduediligenceandcheckthepropersizes!!!

I should have checked out the conversion charts provided on their website to get a clue.

Gossard Fitting Guide

Gossard Fitting Guide

Now that I’ve been to the site and looked around, I noticed that their Fitting Calculator has been disabled, so that wouldn’t have helped.

Sigh... I know...

Sigh… I know…

The statement below the Fitting Calculator was interesting though…

“Please note that this calculator is intended only as a guide and is most accurate between cup sizes A-DD – it should be used as a starting point for finding your perfect fit. Because we know every one of our Gossard Girls is unique we recommend that ladies with a cup size of above a DD get fitted in-store for an accurate measurement. Gossard Bras range from an A to a G cup.”

What’s the deal with that? Why are the E+ cup sizes so complicated? If you offer A-G cup sizes, then shouldn’t you offer products that perform reliably across that range of sizes?

You're right, you're absolutely right... I'll stop now.

You’re right, you’re absolutely right… I’ll stop now.

In other words, I have now ordered and worn a US size “I” in Gossard cups sizes rather than the US FF-GG I actually need. Sigh…. no wonder my armpits have been poked so much I felt like I was smuggling a porcupine.

So cute and snuggly, right?

So cute and snuggly, right?

I wonder how it fits in the correct size?

Cheers,

Maggie

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