Happy Monday Swimwear and Lingerie friends!

I was watching the Oscars last night and, as all lingeristas were probably doing, I was wondering why those stylists are paid so much when they clearly aren’t sharing appropriate shapewear advice!

Nipples ahoy Captain!

Nipples ahoy Captain!

{keep in mind, I’m a huge defender of the right to bear nipples! However, when wearing a gown like this, where the smoothness of the bust and bodice is an essential part of the design, the nipples are unfortunately a break in the silhouette and thus a distraction. She looks like she’s smuggling smarties in for a snack}

Seriously folks, if you’re going to pay that much money to wear these absolutely stunning couture confections, the least you could do is, invest the moderately paltry sum necessary for some decent figure smoothing shapewear like Spanx, Va Bien or Bodywrap!

However, rather than poop all over someone’s parade, I’m going to play a little game and try to guess what kind of shapewear they are wearing or suggest a shapewear to avoid certain problems.

After all, it’s a real pressure cooker, trying to dress in something you like, that won’t be mocked by the international press. If they felt it was what they wanted for that event, then who are we to say no? I’d just like to see these dresses shown off to the nines with the proper underpinnings.

Glenn Close rocking a fitted green Zac Posen!

Glenn Close Glenn Close rocking a fitted green Zac Posen!

Let’s begin with Glenn Close. Damn, she looked amazing didn’t she? I have a real weakness for the colour green and am super impressed she decided to go with this dress.

She’s working it and looks completely comfortable waltzing around on the red carpet, which leads me to believe that she’s probably got this kind of little number on underneath that beautiful dress.

Miraclesuit Extra-Firm Control Strapless Bodybriefer

Miraclesuit Extra-Firm Control Strapless Bodybriefer

This handy little secret weapon is the Miraclesuit Extra-Firm Control Body Briefer.

It’s strapless, has built in control panels for the tummy, thighs and rear and gives a lovely lift to the bust. The longer legs mean she can walk around without worrying about any thigh friction and the full torso smoothing will iron out any potential lumps and bumps that could ruin a dress as pretty as this. A+ to her stylist for helping with the outfit from head to toe, inside and out!

Jennifer Lopez: She only accessorizes with her cleavage!

Jennifer Lopez: She only accessorizes with her cleavage!

Unfortunately, there is great speculation that Jennifer’s low plunge dress may have had a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction on stage in front of everyone. EEK!

That’s the sort of thing that can happen to anyone, even with all the shapewear in the world and she has my sympathies. {although, if she opted for a dress that didn’t expose her navel for once, she could avoid this in the future as well as being stuck in a fashion rut, just saying}

I bet she’s wearing something like this underneath those shimmery stripes.

Va Bien Ultra-Lift Low Plunge Body Briefer

Va Bien Ultra-Lift Low Plunge Body Briefer

This is the Va Bien Ultra-Lift Low Plunge Body Briefer. It’s pretty much the S.W.A.T. team of shapewear for this kind of dress. Paired up with some super sticky double-sided Fashion Tape, her boobs would be locked in place. But even the best laid plans can go wrong, so let’s all be kind and remember that pride go-eth before a fall and that toilet paper trail-eth the bitchy!

 Gwyneth Paltrow: Really? A cape?

Gwyneth Paltrow: Really? A cape?

Gwyneth wore a white dress that seems to be showing the waistline of her panties or control tops. This is a pretty common problem for a lot of people and is easily remedied by going for a full body shaper that won’t have visible panty lines.

It would be tempting to go with this What Katie Did Cabaret Torsolette and as a longline, shapwear garment, you’d be on the right track, however, this Tom Ford dress is made of lighter, clingy material that could potentially show the boning running through this phenomenal shaping garment.

What Katie Did Cabaret Torsolette

What Katie Did Cabaret Torsolette

…sigh, so pretty!

Flexees by Maidenform, Easy Up Strapless Unitard

Flexees by Maidenform, Easy Up Strapless Unitard

Instead, it would probably be better to stick with a light control shapewear that doesn’t have obvious seams, boning or significant control panels that could show through lighter materials like this Flexees by Maidenform Easy Up Strapless Unitard”.

She’ll still get some nice lift and definition of her breasts but with a smoother midsection to really show off that dress.

You may have noticed that I tend to recommend the bodyshapers that finish in shorts rather than slips. People tend to double up on their shaping when they add in hosiery, however, when wearing long gowns such as these, I would often suggest that the person forgo the hosiery and enjoy the fact that they won’t have kindergarten crotch from their saggy hosiery by the end of the night.

Cheers,

Maggie

Ah ha, now I know what the dress reminded me of... she's just missing a wookie to complete the ensemble!

Ah ha, now I know what the dress reminded me of... she's just missing a wookie to complete the ensemble

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