It’s Totally Retro Tuesday Swimwear and Lingerie friends! Are you ready for all the retro lingerie advertising craziness that’s coming your way?

I quiver with anticipation...name that movie quote

I quiver with anticipation...name that movie quote

I hope so, because this Vintage lingerie commercial is just chock full of amazing acting and marketing messages, that in no way demean women and reduce them to the role of complete idiots.

Grab the popcorn and let’s all swoon into our seats as Playtex sells us their 1980’s, top of the line, uber-innovtive bras!

Cross Your Heart and keep your eyes as wide and open as the presenter's so you don't miss a single moment!

Cross Your Heart and keep your eyes as wide and open as the presenter's so you don't miss a single moment!

Cross Your Heart Bras by Playtex:

Okay, now pick your jaw up off the ground. I know, I know those were some freakishly amazing special effects right? These must be some seriously high tech bras, if they can pour that kind of money into their marketing! Just imagine the high powered engineering that must have gone into the bras then! Space Shuttle-esque textiles and nano-tech, quadro-engineered architectured thinga-ma-dooeys!

Wow, she had all that power packed into her finger! She does aerobics too, man she is sooo hip and stylish and cool! Let’s get physical! Can you imagine if we could all selectively disrobe small sections of our anatomy down to a single layer… what talent, what genius, what…? Huh?

wait whaaat?

wait whaaat?

What do you mean that’s all they came up with? The flippin’ “x” banding at the center gore? SERIOUSLY??? That’s it? But, but… it had to be big and amazing…THEY USED A BRITISH SPOKESPERSON AFTER ALL! They know we can never doubt a really cool accent. pouts.

My favourite flavour of bra, cross my heart!

My favourite flavour of bra, cross my heart!

{fyi. It’s true you know! No self-respecting North American will EVER doubt anything said by someone with a British accent. I don’t know if it’s because we all grew up thinking James Bond was the coolest, most knowledgeable person evah, or if we’re programmed that way due to our shared histories as previous colonies??? It would make for an interesting grad school study though wouldn’t it?}

Who wouldn't trust him? Bet he wouldn't act like criss crossing bands on a bra was similar to cold fusion... sheesh.

Who wouldn't trust him? Bet he wouldn't act like criss crossing bands on a bra was similar to cold fusion... sheesh.

Damn it! I totally fell for it again! You may recall, I was duped by a cool accent in a Vintage lingerie commercial before… I don’t think the sting of betrayal has dissipated yet. But really, how could I not trust what they were telling me. Their presenter had her eyes open wider than bambi’s.. I’m conditioned to trust people who don’t blink a lot… it’s human nature.

Who can resist this look?

Who can resist this look?

Well, actually the unblinking presenter lady is pretty creepy looking. Blinking once or twice might actually save her from the uncanny resemblance she shares with a crack whore jacked up on redbulls and pixie stix!

Charlie Sheenish

Charlie Sheenish

The commercial mentions that the bra can accomplish more than 30 days of working out… hmmm, not really sure what they’re basing that on… I’m pretty sure that 30 days of working out ala the blue and white striped, magic finger gal there would probably do more for my figure than a simple conically shaped bra with a railroad crossing sign in between my boobs.

Just saying!

When will advertisers ever realize that consumers are smarter than that? We don’t buy into all of their idiocy and propaganda, we only buy the products because they are all that is stocked in our local stores, not because we believe the hype. Well most of us don’t. I know I don’t and I know YOU my lovely, smart, discerning readers don’t either. We all know what the products do and what we can expect from them, stop assuming we’re dense!

Just tell it like it is already!

Just tell it like it is already!

The lovely Beckie over at Busts4Justice has been taking on the misinformation surrounding bras and bra fittings lately and has accomplished some really spectacular coups! I highly suggest you check her out and support her campaign. She’s fighting the good fight my friends.

We buy the products because we’ve become so accustomed to being over promised and under-delivered to by large corporations. Makes me feel all Public Enemy-ish.

Cheers,

Maggie

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